As you read that there is probably something that stirs within you. Either you know the journey or you've heard of it. But very few have the courage to talk about it.
Grief is uncomfortable and painful and unscripted. It pushes you to places you never thought possible. Our culture tells us that grief is for the weak. Or that grief is for a week. We want so badly, let me say that again, SO BADLY, to be over our grief.
This couldn't be more clearly on display than in the world right now. The Coronavirus took the US by storm about a year ago. In our individualist culture, where we value ourselves over others, residents bought out supplies of toilet paper and other products to make sure that they could provide for themselves. We built towers of goods to try to help us feel safe and secure. Few considered these things outside their immediate household or families. Stores changed their distributing tactics and the issue resolved over time. We push for vaccines and re-openings. Fighting this disease is a group effort. It's like a group project in school where you all are assigned a role, but this time the A-student cannot do all the work and give you credit. All of us have to work together, but we have our own agendas. We want to be done with this, but we don't want to change. We want to move on, but the situation isn't improving. We are desperate for peace in the chaos.
It has been a wild year. I do not want to neglect those who have been selfless and sacrificed so much for others. I do not want to diminish the real depth of emotion that 2020 and COVID-19 have conjured up in us as humans and as a community. Instead, I want to encourage you to go to the depths of the losses you've experienced in the last year and allow yourselves to feel.
I've seen many people clamoring for a return to normalcy, clinging to the truth that when everything returns to normal things will be okay. However, one of the first things I learned in my grief journey was that things would never return to "normal". I'd have to establish a new normal that accounted for, and as I'd later learn, gave honor to the deaths of the past. We can try so hard to stuff or ignore our feelings, pretend things are okay, try to move on, but as a recent Upside Down podcast told me - the dirty dish pile just grows and grows until you take the time to clean each one and give it it's place. Our life experiences shape who we are and who we become whether we like them or not.
What would it cost you to start or continue grieving?
What do you have to lose?
What do you have to gain?
I ask these questions because it is ultimately your choice. You get to decide whether you'll take the first step and then the second and so on.
How to start:
- Name the losses you've experienced in the last year
- Describe what you miss most
- Describe what feelings come up inside you as you document these things
Grief is natural and necessary journey. It's how we respond to losses of all shapes and sizes. It's through grief that we learn to allow ourselves and those around us the freedom to be who we need to be, even if that means going to the middle of nowhere and screaming in anger or filling a bucket with tears as you let the sorrow flow. It's here that we learn that emotions are not weakness, but strength. Our physical bodies are calling out for us to process our emotions. We need to be fully human more than we even know.
Let us be gracious with each other as we lean into these dark places and explore what they really tell us about ourselves. Grief is for the long-haul - there is no magic formula or timeline to simplify it. It is different for every single person. I find that absolutely amazing. Just think how much we could learn from each other if we shared these things with one another. I'm sure I'd feel a lot more comfortable sharing my own struggles. Life is precious so let's choose to be who we were made to be and by doing so, allow others to be their authentic selves.
"Weeping may tarry for the night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5b
*Non-specific details used from my participation in GriefShare program and their curriculum along with StoryWork curriculum and Psychology degree.
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