15 Years Later - 9/11/2001

It's that time of year again - back to school, September. The time of year where we never forget those whose futures were abruptly stolen when terror gripped the United States.

Airplanes were grounded, buildings were in flames, streets were filled with smoke, emergency personnel from everywhere came running, heroes were made, heroes were lost, countless eyes were glued to the screen as the questions, "what just happened?" and "how much more?" rang through the minds of countless Americans.

I remember the day vividly. I woke up that Tuesday morning with nothing else on my mind, but the fact that I was turning ten! Two whole hands worth of fingers, people! It's a big deal, when you are ten. My family always watched the news in the morning before school, so just like any other day the news was on the tv. We got dressed, ate breakfast, and I packed up my birthday treat that I was bringing to my fellow 4th graders. I can't remember what the treat was, but I would guess chocolate was involved! Ha. As we were about to leave for school, the news broke that one of the World Trade Center Towers in New York had been struck by a plane. Live footage from news helicopters flooded the screen. I was ten so I didn't really understand, but I could sense the tension and anxiety of the reporters. My mom, who was a very timely woman, didn't move. "We're going to be late," I said tugging on her shirt. We didn't move, but watched. And watched live as the second plane blew through the other World Trade Center Tower. What? I went to school and class went about as usual, except with a giant elephant in the room. Some chatter about what happened took place, but the teachers remained calm and didn't give us updates.

I remember feeling like 'my day' had been stolen from me. But what a limited perspective I had as a naive ten year old. While I was pouting over lost attention on my birthday, people were just hoping and praying to hear from their loved ones, workers jumped from buildings to try to survive the smoke and collapsing offices, emergency personnel kissed their loved ones goodbye, some forever, and leaders deliberated action plans.

I've felt the weight of this attack since I was old enough to realize what had actually happened. I remember it affecting me differently each year. I couldn't make sense of it. It wasn't fair. How could people hate so much that they would kill people they didn't even know? How do you right that wrong? Where's the justice? What is the purpose of this war?

I don't have the answers for all such evils. But what I have learned:

Life is short. We are not in control, God is. We live in a broken world. So while the world spews hate or fights for things, fight back with love. Because when our nation was torn and broken, what brought us together and lifted us up were people helping each other. Some helped by donating blood, entering burning buildings, cleaning up rubble, donating clothing, giving up their time, energy, and resources to help find loved ones, praying for and with those affected, and others gave up the most precious thing - his or her life. We were made in the image of God. That image is one of restoration and reconciliation and community. Let's choose to live counter-culturally and be the hands and feet of Jesus in tragedy and in triumph! 

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I wrote this poem about the grief of a wife who lost her husband as he fought for our country. It was inspired by a photograph I found many years ago. I don't have a copy of it anymore, but I would imagine that this photo elicits the emotional toll on this woman.

The Last Time I Saw Your Face

By: Jessica Eckert

Date: February 12, 2007

The last time I saw your face,

You were lying next to me.

You were remembering what used to be.

You were rising from the bed.

You rose and shook your head.

The last time I saw your face,

You were answering the phone.

You were packing to go alone.

You were whispering in my ears.

You were drowned in my tears.

You were saying your good-byes.

You were watering at the eyes.

The last time I saw your face,

You were hurrying to catch the plane.

Your were running through the rain.

You were on the T.V. screen.

You were on tank one-eighteen.

The last time we saw your face, 

We were all draped in a weeping, black sea.

We were remembering what used to be.

We were saying our good-byes.

We were watering at the eyes.

We were drowned in our tears. 

We were remember all the years.

All the years that are now lost,

All the years we’ll never get back,

All the years we never had,

And all the years we’ll lack.

Our love, the one and only.

Our love, we love you dear.

Our love, we’ll always remember 

What you did for our country, my dear.

The battles that you fought so bravely.

The days of pain and heartache.

The hours of feeling lonely.

And the minutes of fighting without a break.

You did this for our country. 

Without another word. 

You gave away a century,

That is what we heard.

To protect the nation you care so much about

Rest in peace, my love, we’ll never forget, have no doubt.

Fighting with Comfort

Comfort is a subtle, yet strong weapon that Satan can use to take our eyes off Jesus.

We can become comfortable with our jobs, our finances, our social status, the size of our house, our reputation, our relationship status, the size of our family, the success of our children. When people ask how we are doing, we say, "Great!" Is that 'great' a measurement of: how comfortable we feel in our current circumstances or how confident we are in who God is and His character, despite our circumstances?

What happens when our circumstances are hard? What happens when you don't have that well-paying job to go to? What happens when your family unit grows increasingly dysfunctional? What happens when your pennies are stretched or altogether disappear? What happens when your children make poor decisions? What happens when you've prayed and prayed and found no relief?

One's response to these things reveals the heart's posture, towards or away from God. He says in the sixth chapter of the book of Matthew:

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

“The eye is the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness!

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

“Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble. Verses 19-34.

God asks us for our full devotion - to trust in Him and only Him. He is sovereign. He is in control of all the things that are going on. He has a plan and a purpose.

Recently, I have felt the temptation to despair and if I'm honest, I've given into it. I've let my circumstances define my joy. I've let the hard cause me to doubt God's goodness and His care for me. I've rummaged to create a back-up plan, as if God would fail me.

There are some things we don't realize we are thankful for until they are taken away. Over the summer, I had issues with my eye. It forced me to be uncomfortable with my appearance. Then I remember my appearance isn't everything. God calls me beautiful and His beloved, despite the amount of make-up the world says I need to wear. How easy it is to give in to what the world says. The noise is so loud - blaring through the screens, papers, etc. What does 'the world' have to offer? Nothing in comparison to the greatness of God, through Jesus. I pray the voice of God is heard louder than the noise. You are created in God's image. You are made to be beautiful! God created you specifically for a purpose. You may not see the whole picture, but your life has value. You are worth it! You are worth it so much that God chose to die for you! He loves you that much!

This summer poses a possible transition in vocation for me. Only the Lord knows at this point what the next step is, but I found myself asking questions about why I wanted different kinds of jobs. The world says that we need to have a stable income, we need benefits, we need to stay in one place for a long time. I know these are good things, but it's not okay to find our stability and comfort in these things. If our hope is in finding a great job, we have a problem. God doesn't always work in the logical, straightforward way. Actually, He usually turns things upside-down. It would be great to have a job that I love, but I want my only hope to be in God. I'm not defined my job or lack thereof, but I'm defined by who God says that I am. I want my vocation to be a means to store up treasures in heaven, not on earth.

I know this isn't something I have to do on my own. The Lord is with me in it. He is working through it. He will provide. It may look different than I think right now, but He will be glorified through it. And that it why I don't have to be anxious. He cares for His creation. He cares for His daughter. And He will supply my every need. Because He knows me better than I know myself and He planned my days before I was even born. Thank God! May I trust His plans.

He doesn't call us to comfortable. He calls us to give Him glory through our circumstances. Let us fight to not be comfortable, but to find our comfort in Him and only Him.