But there was a problem, I was separated from Him. A giant gulf stood between me and Him. I thought God was far away because He chose to be, but it was really that He seemed far away because of the choices I made that weren't in line with God's standards. It's called sin and it's anything that is against God. I used to think only the 'bad' sins would separate me from God, but all sins separate me from Him. Whether it is stealing, murder, lying, cheating, gossiping, swearing, drinking excessively, it is sin. Because of my sin, God seemed far off, I felt like I was being punished daily simply for existing. My sin deserves punishment but God loves His people. Although the sin separates me from Him, He still loves me and pursues me in an unfathomable way! I deserve death and separation from Him because I continuously choose to be disobedient to Him. I live selfishly, I pursue material things and riches that will vanish when I die. Apart from God, that's all I can do, that's all I know how to do - that's my nature. In my nature, there is no way to get to God. I tried doing good things, making a routine trip to church each week, but it was like I kept jumping into the gulf thinking maybe this time I'll make it across only to fall short and climb back to my side to conjure up a plan to try to get across again. "What do I have to do?" I would ask God exhaustedly and for 20 years I never heard a response.
But in the darkness of my circumstances, I saw the brilliant light of God's love in the Cross of Jesus Christ. For so long, I had thought that the story of Jesus was that - just a story. Late one night, God revealed His power and purpose for the Cross. Jesus came to earth to live the perfect life and to be the perfect sacrifice that so many people were waiting for. Instead of the death I deserved, Jesus took my sin at the Cross and made a way for all to know Him, including me. When I saw God clearly taking active steps to reach His people, the love He had for me was beyond my comprehension. He was intentional, caring, and went above and beyond what anyone could do.
I heard God's response, not audibly, but for the first time it was clear that God did this for me. He said,
"I love you so much and I have a great plan for your life. Because I love you I sent Jesus to earth for your mistakes and all the horrible things you've done against me. I hate those things, but I love you. You keep trying to reach me through extravagant measures, but they mean nothing to me. When you ask me what you have to do to get to me, you fill your head with false ideas that doing more will make you look better and I'll be more forgiving, but the truth is, all you need to do is come to me in faith, with arms wide open. I've made a way, through Jesus to get here. There's now a giant bridge to connect you to Me, but it's because I came to you. Now, the choice is yours, keep trying to reach Me on your own or walk the path that Jesus has made. If you choose the path of your own works, it will end in destruction and you will not find me, but when you follow Jesus, you will find life forever with me. And this life forever with me doesn't just start when you leave this earthly place in death, but it begins right when you choose that path. You can experience life here on earth and share that experience with others. I will never leave you nor forsake you, ever! What are you going to do?"Being confronted with this decision, I realized I was looking to get myself across, but what I needed was the Cross of Jesus. I bowed my head and talked to God and expressed that I needed Him! I couldn't do this life on my own. He was the only way to experience life. I thanked Jesus for making that way for me to be able to know God and I thanked Him for His friendship. I asked God to continue to make Himself known to me. I ended with a simple, "Amen."
In that moment, I felt the weight of my burdens and sin lift off my shoulders and Jesus whisper the truths that He took care of these things at the Cross. When He said, "It is finished," He accomplished what none of us can. He restored all of humanity to the Father. Now, those who call upon the name of Jesus will be saved. They will be saved eternally and also find refuge in the Lord as He walks with them in this crazy world.
I'd love to be able to say that since that day three years ago life has been great, but it hasn't. Honestly, at times it feels harder. Just as the light seems brighter in darkness, the darkness feels worse with the awareness of light.
Death just doesn't seem right, ever and it shouldn't because it was never part of how God created it to be. But it is a reality in this world that we must face and experience. Apart from God, I don't know exactly where I would be today. I'm assuming that I would feel hopeless, purposeless, scared and afraid. But with God, I am able to find beauty in the ashes. I am able to confidently proclaim that even though my heart aches to a greater degree than I ever thought possible, God is working all things, even horrible, unanticipated deaths, for good. He passionately pursues His children to come back to Him and see what they were made for. He is for us and not against us. He changed everything when He went to the Cross. When the world beat up, abused, and spit on Him, He said, "Forgive them - they know not what they do." When the world said death, He rose and gave life!
He turned the world upside down or right side up. All of these things seem backwards in our society but God is trying to bring things back to the way they should be.
