Coming Back to a Heart of Worship

It sure has been a while. My restless heart has been pursuing x, y, and z. This summer has been one of the best in a long time! I've laughed more, danced more, adventured more, and enjoyed more. But I've also valued those "more's" more than God at times. For example, I would hang out with friends later than I should and then be "too tired" to read my Bible or spend time in prayer. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't the act of doing those things that was going to make my relationship with God any stronger. The thing that had to change was my heart - and boy, my heart was stubborn. Temporary happiness seems so appealing at first glance, but is not sustaining in the long-run. As the summer moved along, my restless heart was growing weary. I hadn't lost relationship with God because Jesus secures my salvation, but I had lost fellowship with Him.

My heart sunk as I realized what I had done. I had made seemingly good things, idols. My mind was full of things - planning, appearances, popularity, attendance, busyness, etc. My meditations were not on the Lord. I had put these things before my God and I felt so ashamed. "How could I?!" And I prayed over a period of weeks, "Lord, I'm a Pharisee! Well, I mean, the Pharisee's didn't like to admit they were wrong, so maybe I'm kind of like a Pharisee, but anyway...I play the part. I do the stuff to appear to be in fellowship with You, but my heart isn't following suit with my actions...".

As I continued to confess, my restless heart was softened and filled with peace. I was reminded of God's mercy and His grace! Oh, how His grace is so amazing! He celebrates and rejoices when we come back to Him! He pours out His love for us!

This summer I kept asking how to follow God when things are good, because life circumstances had been so hard for so long. The answer was not to to chase after the good things, but to continue to spend time with God, give thanks for the good things and the not-so-good things, be constant in prayer, and rejoice!

The Lord continues to use children in my life to speak volumes. While I am holding and rocking and smiling and feeding and changing the little baby that I watch, I am reminded of dependancy. I am reminded that we aren't meant to do this life on our own. We are made by community, for community. We need the Lord and we need each other! May I, like a child, lay in the arms of my Father and know and trust that He knows what He is doing, He has my best interest in mind and that He will supply my every need, like manna in the desert! I try to be independent, but my heart needs me to slow down, enter into the presence of the Lord and find His fullness of joy! Because I have been saved by grace and changed by grace, I spend time with God - it's a natural outflow of the inward change happening in my heart!

I'm sure there will be times I mess this up again, but by God's grace, it won't be to the same degree. My experiences this summer will help me in the future, to come sooner to the throne of God and ask for forgiveness. I'm coming back to a heart of worship and that's what it's all about - God and giving Him the glory! May you draw near to Him and experience His goodness and grace!

This song has got me going: Joy! enjoy :)