i'd be lying if i said i was okay. i don't like this. not one bit. i've never felt a larger hole in my heart. a gigantic absence. this space that can't be filled by another human being. a mom-hole that was only allowed twenty-two years of memories. memories that are so hard to remember in the midst of this deep pain and sorrow. every new memory or let-down is a reminder that she isn't here to share it with me. and i can't pick up the phone and talk to her or listen to her detail the most current events.
how i long to see her beautiful face, shining smile, and wrap my arms around her! how i wish i could have one of her homemade meals, fish fry was our fav, or wake up to a freshly prepared breakfast. my heart sinks thinking i won't be able to hear her giggle and hear her say in her little kid voice that she went to the library to read a book. how i wish she could encourage me to keep going, to keep pursuing my dreams.
she always knew how to make me smile, even when i was feeling my worst. no one else on this earth cared for me the way she did. i could call her any time of the day and she would listen, offer a few words of advice and not expect me to change. she just wanted me to be me. my mom w...is my best friend. it's hard to think about her in the past tense, as if what was once so vibrant and alive is now just...dust.
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